Why is the world so sexualised

My mother's 11 siblings, born around the turn of the 20th century, shared rooms and even beds, boys with girls sleeping top to toe, since this was felt to minimise the chances of unseemly contact; they grew up knowing nothing about sex, with results for a majority of them that were disastrous. And although this now seems laughable, it is perhaps useful to recall the fine line between ignorance and innocence.

The knowingness of contemporary life is not the same thing as wisdom. Patterns of sexual unknowing still exist in many parts of the world, even though under the impact of the insomniac global media, this is now changing. But we are sufficiently close to societies that subordinated sex to other social purposes, to realise that our version of "reality" is not quite the "natural" and inevitable consequence of development, enlightenment or knowledge we imagine it to be.

This is not to make any argument in favour of the repression of the past. The shift we have lived through ought perhaps to be seen not as a journey from stupidity into light, but as veering from one extreme the cover-up of sexuality, to which it seems too many of the church hierarchy apparently still pay homage to another, where sex is the primary purpose of our relationships and to claim otherwise is to be deluded or hypocritical.

Porn use is very high among adult men, including married men. It's possible that porn is filling a gap in our closeness and lovingness generally. We live in a society that is often too rushed for affection, for attunement between husband and wife, or parent and child. We are a cold culture. Consumer goods and food have replaced intimacy in our lives.

Our earn-and-spend culture edges us towards seeing ourselves as a product. We modify our bodies to compete better in the marketplace. Advertising teaches our young to evaluate themselves merely by their looks. Unless we redirect ourselves to inner value - kindness, creativity, patience, loyalty, and passion - then we will have nothing to offer our young apart from our credit cards. Follow the National Times on Twitter. Sexualisation of the young is becoming society's cancer.

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Images present and perpetuate a world where women are revered—and rewarded—for their physical attributes and can put pressure on both girls and boys to emulate polarized gender stereotypes from a younger and younger age. It would seem that we have become okay with selling something that was never meant to be sold, but is actually the most intimate and precious of gifts. But how do we turn a tide that is as powerful and overwhelming as a tsunami? I often find that asking questions can be the most helpful place to start, as each question mark, when poised in the right direction, acts as an entry point into new territory.

How have you been affected by this culture? Are there aspects of your perceptions, language, or posture towards sex that need to change? What areas of influence do you have that you could help impart a new culture to? Have you fallen into the trap of believing that your sexual attractiveness is the sum total of who you are as a woman? Are you hungry to know and experience healthy sexuality?

However, I still subconsciously associate physical intimacy with sin, guilt, and shame. The prospect of sex remains stressful for me, and I know that exploring my boundaries will have to be a slow process with someone I trust completely. Then we arrive at the wonderful conundrum of dating. While I disagree with that sentiment, I actually would quite like a relationship with somebody.

However, this is easier said than done. The prospect of asking someone out myself is terrifying, knowing that our romantic expectations would probably clash and I would have to set boundaries that many would judge as ridiculous. I respect that other people are looking for other things in a relationship, but sometimes, when trying to navigate the world of relationships, it seems like I am on a different planet. Hypocrisy is the best policy.

One particular incident comes to mind: when I was a fresh-faced first year on my very first swap.